Thursday, April 1, 2010

Ummm, no thanks.

Inspired by Joslyne's post this morning about her no-ass swimsuit woes, and by the fact that it's supposed to be in the 80s (80s!) here this weekend to hang by the river, I started thinking about my own swimsuit situation, which falls on the opposite end of the spectrum. While I won't go into great detail about the changes pregnancy has wrought on my entire body, suffice it to say that I do not think any swimsuits from previous years will fit the 6-9 months-pregnant me. I am rather more... rotund around all kinds of parts these days. Some days I am more okay with that than others, so I need a swimsuit that will embrace that and make me feel like a sassy mama, not a freakish cetacean-woman. So, frugal little shopper that I am, I went over to see what Target had to offer me.

You guys, this isn't helping. That suit is hideous. In fact, pretty much everything in the Target maternity swimwear line sucks. First of all, most of it is straight black, and what prints there are are mostly BAD (see left). And they're all tankinis. Not sassy. This is seriously the best one:
Doesn't really scream "fun in the sun!", does it?

Even worse, though? are THESE:
Yes. Swim skirts and swim SHORTS. Target, I'm pregnant, not disfigured. Is it too much to ask for swimwear that accentuates and celebrates the curviness, rather than hiding it away in the matte black fabric of shame? Where's the sassiness? Where's the retro-glam that flatters curvy women?

Maybe that mojo only exists in the regular swim section? Maybe, just maybe, can I mix and match pieces from the regular swimwear in larger sizes?

Um, no. I know this SAYS it's for women and all, Target, but I'm gonna need a little more coverage than that. Well, more like twice that much fabric.

Sigh. What to do? I'm caught between a tankini and a skimpy place. Send help soon!


  1. Dude, I know. Swim shorts don't look good on anyone. ESPECIALLY when wet and clingy. Why do swim wear designers not get this?!?! I have a couple formerly pregnant friends who hate cute maternity suits last summer and I've got requests in to them to get the 4-1-1. I'll report back later.

  2. Oh, I'm so with you. After much searching during my first pregnancy, I finally found a simple black one piece. And I paid waaay too much for it. I get really irritated every time I think about the whole maternity clothes industry - it's such a scam. Either you pay a ton of money for something of decent style and quality, or you end up with crap. Grrrrr....

  3. Hi Anne, this is Danielle from Touch the Earth Farm...

    You had mentioned being interested in farmsitting, and we're looking for someone to watch the farm May 3-6th if those dates would work for you and you're still interested. We've been streamlining things this spring, so there's less physical labor. Mostly just oversight and no milking at the moment.

    Email me danielle dot conger at gmail dot com if you're still interested and maybe we could plan a time this month for you to come visit.